Posted by: manyblessings | 04/27/10

Awkward.

I wrote the first of our year’s worth of letters to our daughter’s birthmother yesterday.  Technically we don’t even know if she’ll want to read them, but we said we would commit to a year and send them to the attorney and then if she does want access to them, she can have access.  If she wants more contact, she can contact the attorney and he can get us her information.  I don’t foresee this happening given the current chaos in her life, but a part of our desire all along has been that if we can have a positive impact on her long-term, we would love to.  We can’t have that without SOME contact.  So this is a start.

It was weird enough making a family profile back when we were in the earlier stages of the process, and the profile “sells” your family to expectant women who are thinking about placing their babies.  Now this process eliminates all of the uncertainty about who will read the letter, and now we know who–not much about her beyond what we were told and have gathered on our own, but enough that it’s not longer as ambiguous of a document.  The weirdest thing is that I don’t know how to approach this.  Obviously we want to show that she’s happy and adjusting and developing (which she is, thankfully), but I don’t want to shove it in her face of “Here’s the baby you couldn’t parent for whatever reason and look at how we have saved her from your pitiful existence.”  I have no idea if anyone else has ever felt this or if I’m just weird, but that’s where I am.

So I’m still working on this and hoping that as the year progresses, the letters will get easier to write.  And maybe someday we’ll get a letter back.

But even if we don’t, I hope that our daughter will always know how much she is loved and wanted.

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