Posted by: manyblessings | 02/12/09

Trying to stay positive

There are times when this seems so impossible. There are so many variables.

Finishing up all of this paperwork. Paperwork that seems to arise even after we have done what they asked originally. Paperwork that takes time to fill out, time to process, time to be returned (such as yet another background check, this one from the DCFS in the state where we last lived).

An evaluation of our minds, our innermost thoughts. Will they detect something in me that prevents us from adopting? Do I have some sort of subconscious issue that will sabotage this entire process?

Funding the entire process.

Creating a family profile–one that will simultaneously engage and endear without being arrogant, boastful, condescending. How do we seek to care for another woman’s baby through some abstract collection of photos of ourselves with a “Dear Birthmother” letter slapped on top?

Attracting the “right” birthmother. I feel so many things that are hard to translate onto paper, difficult to convey in words on a page but that I could tell her to her face if given the opportunity. She could see it in my eyes then, I tell myself. She could see it in the faces of my children, the two oldest of whom talk about having another baby brother or a baby sister.

Getting to the end. Even with all of these completed, there will be the hurdle of actually leaving a hospital or orphans’ home or foster home with a baby. There will be the hurdle of a signature on very important documents, paperwork that severs physical and emotional ties between a woman and the baby she has carried in her womb for nine months. There will be tears. There will be laughter. These things I know for sure. That it will take time is something I know for sure. That the time will probably be longer and more grueling than anything I have ever before known is what makes this so difficult.

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